


Cuori in Guerra

by mvkeitrvin



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: AFAB, Age Difference, Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Aro (Twilight) - Freeform, Aro (Twilight)/Caius (Twilight)/Marcus (Twilight)/Original Character(s) - Freeform, Aro (Twilight)/Original Character(s) - Freeform, BDSM, Ballroom Dancing, Blood Kink, Break Up, Caius (Twilight) - Freeform, Caius (Twilight)/Original Character(s) - Freeform, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen - Freeform, Character Turned Into Vampire, Choking, Cuddling & Snuggling, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, Demetri/Felix (Twilight) - Freeform, Divorce, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan - Freeform, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale - Freeform, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Holidays, Knifeplay, Light Angst, M/M, Marcus (Twilight) - Freeform, Marcus (Twilight)/Original Character(s) - Freeform, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, Paint Kink, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Predator/Prey, Public Display of Affection, Public Sex, Queer Character, Queer Themes, Reading, Riding Crops, Romance, Rope Bondage, Royalty, Shapeshifting, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Soulmates, Sugar Daddies, Sugar Daddy, The Volturi (Twilight)/Original Character(s) - Freeform, They/ Them Pronouns Main Character, Threesome, Trauma, True Mates, Vampires, War, Werewolves, powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26686894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvkeitrvin/pseuds/mvkeitrvin
Summary: Life isn’t always what it seems, that doesn’t change whether you live for a moment in time or for eternity.Things were going great until a fun band with friends led to a holiday in Volterra, and Cosette’s life takes a turn from then on.In times when we are broken and lost, people who hold within them the desire for dark tidings will use that weakness against you. Cosette is no stranger to this, whether it be shadows from the past or fears coming in the near future.Could all of this pain just be a justifiable means to the end? Or could everything be worth not leaving Cosette alone and in pain?*All of the characters from twilight are not my own. I only own my original characters and plot lines*There are going to be some fun, spicy scenes, there are also going to be some serious themes in this story. I will do my best to warn you of the racy topics and apply as many possible trigger warnings to the best of my abilities.I hope you all enjoy this story, my guy girls, and my nonbinary pals! You have my utmost love and thanks - Kiz <3.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Aro (Twilight)/Caius (Twilight)/Marcus (Twilight)/Original Character(s), Aro (Twilight)/Original Character(s), Caius (Twilight)/Original Character(s), Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Demetri/Felix (Twilight), Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale, Marcus (Twilight)/Original Character(s), The Volturi (Twilight)/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 8





	1. Introduction/ Important Info

Hello loves! It's me, Kiz, here, and this story is a work of fiction, but it is also a venting story for me. I wanted to make Cosette as real as I possibly could, and I needed a way to let out/ let go of those parts of my life that have bothered me. It says that there will be serious themes in this story, and that's entirely true, there are going to be traumatic events. I would never have these themes without warnings. Not only in these first few chapters will you get to know Cosette, but you will be getting to know me. I hope that you do enjoy the story, and I understand if you want to skip the chapters that show Cosette/my past. The story truly starts in Chance Encounter, and I promise this story besides the chapters that look into the past that is all fiction. This story is something I'm proud of, and I hope you enjoy it. May this give you something to your pastime during the quarantine.  
I love you, I'm proud of you, I'm happy you are here, I hope you enjoy your stay, and I hope you drink some water and eat. Stay healthy, and stay safe. May your life be happy, and the sadness in your life be fleeting and forgotten. <3  
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	2. Love Sick

Another start to another long day, though I can still find my self in my head, hoping that it will be different today. Hoping that unlike yesterday, I won’t wish for it all to be over. That wishful thinking is what got me into this mess in the first place. It is my blindness to my life that caused this caused him. As if the gods themselves were orchestrating it, the second I step into school grounds. Kian and his group of friends are there. Putting my head down, I find myself walking into the hornet’s nest. His eyes lock on me, and I already know I am in for what will be a tiring exchange. They made their way to be standing in front of me in a wall. Being close enough and imposing enough, they began their favorite script. “Hey, it looks as though they don’t care for our health here. Considering they let her walk around,” I didn’t have to look up to know it was Kian. My silence seemed to have been permission to continue. “Well, maybe it’s because what she’s got isn't contagious, you know,” that voice belonged to Ryan, Kian's best friend. Kian found that to be hilarious, as he lets out a chuckle of amusement. I know what they're doing next. It's like I said a script that looks like it's stuck on a groundhog day, stuck in a loop, unchanging. Knowing that and living through it are two different things. “Well, you’re right, cancer isn’t contagious. I wouldn’t put it past her to have other diseases as well,” Kian said as though it was the most accurate statement that he could say. Sensing that they have reached the end of their first act, I step around the wall they have built and made my way to class. I know that this moment of peace will be over because they, too, will enter the classroom soon.  
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As I flop onto my bed, I start to think about Kian and me. I hardly recognize him now, and he’s not the same as he was even three months ago. I can't understand why or how this happened to Kian. He was once a sweet, caring friend. I 'd also go as far as to say that I looked up at him, beaming with a broad smile and making friends with whoever he wanted. I remember the first time I saw him; it was the first day of kindergarten; he was walking all shy. It was quite cute. It was on that day I would also meet my first ever best friend, Jennie. Jennie and I bonded over our shared start of our lives being “horse girls,” something that makes me cringe thinking about now. I don't remember much about that time. Yet, I know Kian, and I was bound to be seen going around the playground, holding hands. My mom even has a photo of us cuddled up close, holding hands. My mom would also go as far as to say he was one of my “little boyfriends.” There’s no point in hiding it since I was 4, I wanted to be loved and have someone to love back.  
That's why I remember my “first love” so fondly, his name was Andrew, and I was so infatuated with him. I even remember a time he carried me across a puddle cause, I didn’t want my shoes to get wet. Though I wish I could tell you that this was a cute bridal style carry, it was not. Think of it more like the carry you do when your dog is too heavy, hands under the arms wrapped around the front and lift. We would hang out all the time, even having sleepovers. I also now still hold a small piece of love for him. All of this infatuation before I even started kindergarten. This makes me a love-stricken fool, but a fool nonetheless. Though as with everything, this soon faded out, and we drifted apart as years went on. This was the same with Kian, infatuation comes quick and leaves as fast. I had lost my feeling for Kian, but by the time 5th grade came around, I found my heart quickening for him again.   
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This time, however, he didn’t return the affections I had for him. My poor Jennie had to listen to the boy-crazy ramblings I would give her at recess. Unlike the first time, I fell for him; the feelings didn’t vanish but continued to grow. I had kept honest with myself and attempted to ask him out several times, each time, and he would turn me down until one day. It was a cold day towards the start of April that I asked him for what I told myself would be the last time. If he rejected me, so be it. But to my surprise, he had said yes. I found myself not being able to stop smiling. I was so happy that I ran to my dearest friends Jess and Reyna. Upon seeing my expression, they started to be excited for me too. Soon Kian and I were spending the entire days at school together. At recess, we would play truth or dare with our friends, each time daring us to kiss. I remember one of these times so vividly, I have mentioned I was a romantic at heart, right? 

This will be one of the first showcases for that, I leaned in and placed my hand on his chin and pulled him in to kiss me. When I pulled away, I saw the shocked look on his face. I was so lost, we had kissed many times before, but why was he upset over this one? My confusion, however, didn’t last long as his closest friend, Ryan, gave me insight. From Ryan's lips fell words that have never left my mind, “ Why did you pull his chin in for a kiss? That’s something only guys are supposed to do, that was weird,” I was shocked. Turning to Kian, I felt my heart crumble a little bit more as he nodded in agreement. I didn’t understand why, but I apologized and promised never to do it again. We were having a great time, and I was so happy to be with him, someone I held feelings for. Our happiness wasn’t meant to last, though, as chaos was on the horizon, and they had their sights on me.   
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	3. Hearts Are Made to Break

I arrived the next day to school to find Jennie and Reyna running towards me, and the smile fell from my face. I knew that whatever they were about to tell me was going to hurt, and it was going to hurt bad. Though what they said next hurt more than I anticipated, I wouldn't let myself cry. I didn't feel like it, yes, I liked him, but there was also something that told me he wouldn't be mine forever. Jennie and Reyna were yelling over each other and gesturing to me. This was leading me nowhere near understanding. “Guys, I understand whatever you are trying to tell me is important. If I need to know as soon as possible, I need you to go one at a time,” with that, they both sighed and looked at each other. Reyna was the first to speak, “ I want to say that I am so sorry, and I am here for you. As you know, I’m dating Ryan, and I overheard them talking yesterday at recess while you were absent,” she then looked down, twisting her hand together. I couldn’t help but comfort her, and I took her hands in mine, wasn’t this supposed to be the other way around. I didn’t care; though when her gaze met the mine,. I gave her a nod to continue. “I heard Kian tell Ryan that he couldn’t stand you. He dated you to have a girlfriend and because you have boobs,” at this, I dropped her hands and looked at the ground. My head was spinning at what she had told me. I knew there had to be a reason behind why he accepted that time, out of all the times I asked. I had hoped I was wrong, but now it was being proven to be true, this is where one of my biggest insecurities was born.

I had stood there silent for what felt like an eternity when I felt each of them having a hand placed on my arms. Looking up finally, I saw both of my friends hurt and pitifully looking my way. I wasn’t pitiful and I wasn’t going to let him make me feel reduced to my body parts. This is what I was repeating to myself, my mantra, as I grabbed my friends' hands in my own. I dragged them with me to confront Kian. I was sad that all the time we spent laughing together and enjoying each other's company was a game to him. He may have curated this game, but I was going to be the one to beat it. “ Kian,” I shouted, seeing him rounding a corner ahead of us. Upon hearing me call for him he turned around and smiled, seeing that the smile made my stomach churn. He knew he wasn’t in love with me or even like me, I couldn’t help but smile back. “Hey C, what’s up? You look cute today,” he says as he gets closer. “Hey K, could we talk for a moment, it’s important,” without waiting for him to answer, I grabbed his hand. I had walked us a few feet away from our friends. “C,” Kian said looking at me expectantly, “I can’t read your mind, you’ll have to tell me what you’re thinking,” smiling at me. Without a second thought, looking up done with his sugar-coated words, “We need to break up, I heard the reason you even agreed to date me in the first place,” now it was me looking expectantly. Dumbfounded is how I would put how I was feeling when I met his gaze. I thought maybe there would be some sadness in his eyes, no there was nothing in them. He nodded and walked away, it took everything in me to not call him back over. I wanted to apologize and say it was okay, but it wasn’t.   
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At this point, thinking about everything that has happened, I can’t see why he is the one acting out. If I had known this is how he would react, I would have never broken up with him or started to date him in the first place. While I found myself telling people why we broke up, it was to say that we did. The feelings we once had were no longer present. He went on to tell everyone that I was annoying, clingy, and always trying to kiss him, saying it grossed him out. It truly was surprising to me as most of the time he was the one to approach me and initiate kissing. It didn’t matter the truth behind everything. The entirety of our class would believe him without a second thought. I wasn’t a very social kid. I kept to myself, never expressing my interest. The only people I was close to beside him was, Jess and Reyna. Though they were great friends, them backing me wouldn’t change the others' opinions of me. I soon became known as the “diseased girl”, someone that should be avoided. At least by the male population of the school. Though that was well known, it was truly only Kian who blew it out of proportion. I thought that over summer that it would fade away, become nothing more than a bad dream, but I was wrong. Now this year, 8th grade, it only seems to grow more aggressive in his insistence. Kian has these overblown reactions if I come anywhere near him. 

“ I hope that one day Kian will realize how his venomous words can hurt,” rolling my eyes. I get up off my bed and pull out my homework, trying to think of happier times, and better things, to come. After putting my work back into my bag and showering, I crash onto my bed and slip into a deep sleep.   
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	4. First Discovery

I was foolish if I thought dealing with those was my biggest struggle during my 8th-grade year. It wasn't, but it was the one that hurt the most. The struggle I faced was one that I didn’t even know was one until I accessed the internet. Like most other kids of this generation, I was being raised on the internet. My parents weren’t very strict or observant of what I looked into. 

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When I was in kindergarten I may have had Kian as one of my “little boyfriends”. No one knew that I also wanted to have a “little girlfriend”. I knew exactly who I was looking at and her name was Jennie. I was so infatuated with her that I would treat her better than all the other girls. Though as we know over the years she became my best friend and those feelings I had well, they became platonic. To tell you the truth I didn’t have feelings for any other girls during my elementary to middle school years. That didn’t mean that I had told anyone what I was feeling. I had no idea how to identify or explain myself even if I had wanted to. I knew what being gay was but I wasn’t gay, I liked both boys and girls. So I took to the internet and did what any young queer person would do, I took an “Are you Gay?” quiz and then asked google what it meant when you liked girls and boys. 

To my surprise, I was introduced to the world of bi/pansexuality and my mind was respectfully blown. One day I decided I needed to tell someone else, it was the sixth grade and I walked up to the girl who had just transferred. I didn’t know her, and she didn’t know me, in my mind, that was the perfect setting to do this for the first, and not the last, time. I walked up and chatted with her a bit. Then I told her I had to tell her my secret and I leaned in and whispered, “I’m pansexual, I like people I don’t have a preference. If I like you, I like you,” I then looked at her expecting some sort of response, but she just smiled. That was something that surprised me, I had expected her to ask questions or be disgusted. She did neither. I had walked away and that was the last time we talked. I like to think that she never told anyone because I never heard anyone ever bring it up. 

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During our 7th grade year, I had a group project, obviously, I chose to do the project with Jennie. I remember us sitting out in the field behind her house. My closeted gay ass, saying, “If I were to ever kiss a girl, I would kiss you.” She said sure and when we kissed it sent sparks through my body. I knew that there was no way I could deny that I liked girls and her. It was something that I still think about as something I’m thankful for. I later confided in Jennie and Reyna, I told them how I felt. To my surprise, they both felt the same and it was so relaxing to know I wasn’t alone. 

With this new sense of community and reassurance that I did in fact feel this way, it was time to tell my family, well my mom. I know some people have very elaborate or creative ways of coming out to their parents. Let’s just say I’m not that creative. I am, however, incredibly good at making powerpoints. Little 13-year-old Cosette made a PowerPoint slide that explained what being pansexual was. Now all I had to do was find the right time to share this with my mom. I was undeniably nervous to come out to my mom, though I’m not sure why. My mom is my best friend and has openly supported lgbtq+ rights since I was little. I guess it’s a very different story when you are the one that has to tell her that you aren’t like your older sister, or her. 

I remember that day very clearly, it really was quite a normal day. My mom and I had gotten up to go to the store to get groceries. We were just vibing in the car as we were coming home when I asked my mom to pull off to the side of the road. When she did my heart was beating out of my chest, and I was starting to feel like I couldn’t breathe. She put the car in park and when I turned to look at her. After taking a deep breath I said, “I need you to watch this PowerPoint and not say anything until you finish it, I love you and I hope this doesn’t change anything,” she just looked at me in pure confusion. She then proceeded to watch the presentation. At the end looked at me and said, “Cosette, I love you always and I’m proud of you for feeling safe enough to come out to me. I only ask `` Are you sure that you feel this way?” I looked at her and smiled with tears in my eyes, partially from anxiety and partially from relief. It felt like a huge weight that had been lifted off my chest. I went on to tell her, “I’m sure mom I’ve known since I was in kindergarten. I just didn’t have the right way to identify it or the courage to tell you til now. I’m not ready to tell dad or Mary yet.” She smiled and nodded her head, we then proceeded to blast some Taylor Swift the rest of the way home.  
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	5. White Truck Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Waring loves, this chapter is going to have some scenes of uncomfy interactions between our dear Cosette and a shadow from their past. These are along the lines of sexual harassment and unwanted interactions, such as kissing. Also trigger warning that there is a theme of grooming in this chapter. If you need to skip this chapter due to these themes feel free, it won’t truly affect the rest of the story. I provided these flashback chapters to help you get to know our dear Cosette and their past to understand their choices in the future. Cosette is canonical non-binary, but at this point in the story they identify as a cis-girl*  
> \-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, middle school was over and it was the summer before high school was going to start. If I am being completely honest with myself, I wasn’t excited for high school. Unlike my friends who all were looking forward to it. I was never a big fan of the school, don’t get me wrong, though I was a good student. Always got my work done and turned in and got good grades (most of the time). That being said, I hated actually going to school. I would be absent quite a lot, I really wanted to be in an online school, but my dad was adamantly against it. He said that it wasn’t normal to do and I would turn out to be an introverted person that hated social situations. (jokes on you, dad, that happened anyway)

Remember when I said I was a hopeless romantic yeah well here’s another example but it’s not good, even remotely. Not to quote Avril, but he was 17/18, and I was 14/15 when this takes place. Before we get into that, it would be helpful to know my history with this boy and to see how this was quite the story. His name was Sam, he had attended my elementary to middle school at the same time as my sister and me. My sister and Sam were in the same grade. Be that as it may, I remember having a crush on him since I was in 4th grade, I really was quite infatuated with him. Every day on the bus ride home I would sit next to him when he would let me. When we were on the same side of the school I would try to hang with him. It often got his friends joking about it and saying I was like a lost puppy but I didn’t pay attention. I was just happy to be around him. Though I didn’t hang out with him that much during school hours. As I got older he let me sit with him more often, my little heart enjoyed it. I was happy to have this boy who was older than me paying attention to me and treating me like I was special.

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I remember one day on the bus I was sitting there when another boy on the bus had proceeded to make fun of my last name. It had made me cry and all I wanted was to be home. He kept going until he stopped mid-sentence. I looked up and that's when I saw Sam, and he was giving the boy a death glare and proceeded to sit with me. When we got to his stop he woke me up, I hadn’t even realized I had fallen asleep on him until that moment. My heart did a few skips that he had let me sleep on him, though at this point I had accepted that he viewed me as a little sister. We had other moments like this, where he would come to defend me or would show me such kindness. We had a fall field day, and he was on my team, and he proceeded to ensure we were partners for every game. At the time that didn’t seem odd or out of place but looking back now I can see it was possessive and weird. He would get mad if he saw me with other boys or if I tried to partner with someone else. These could all be brushed off as the older brother trying to protect his little sister. Things got even worse when he entered high school.

He played football and would often have games at the high school, he would often invite me to come to watch him play. I had grown close to his family, and they always welcomed me with open arms. In my mind I was imagining this being more than it was, he simply wanted his little sister to watch him play. It would be a lie to say I was hoping it was more. I was a child craving attention and love, he provided that, how could I not wish that. He would get girlfriends and I would meet them at games, talk with them. He would often wave to me in the crowd, and when his games were over he would always hug me first. I started to notice this and I think his girlfriends did because they never stuck around long. I had started going to these games when I was in 6th grade. My parents were as oblivious as I was to what was really going on all this time. I think my sister Mary might have thought something was up, but she had a lot to deal with herself, so maybe she didn’t.  
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Now back to the day that all of these harmless interactions turned. The signs were in my face, but I was like a deer in the headlights of a semi-truck, and I was about to be hit, hard. He had messaged me asking me to come over and hang out with him because his girlfriend had broken up with him. I remember thinking nothing of it and agreeing to come over and hang out with him. When my mom had dropped me off at his house she told me, “ Make sure not to do anything I wouldn’t want you doing,” I think she was finally starting to get a picture of what was happening. She was just warning me since it was my first time spending time at a boy’s house. He was working on his truck at the time, I did mention I lived in a country town right, and he had to drive it around to fix it. He happened to be driving up his driveway when I got there, so I got out and got in with him.   
We just sat in his truck as he drove up and down his driveway. That was until he started to tell me all about his girlfriend and why they broke up. I was incredibly nervous, the whole time being alone with him. He had placed his hand on the center divider and seemed to be really upset so I went to hold his hand and did. I took his hand in mine. I felt bad he was sad and a small part of me wanted to hold his hand to see what it would feel like. At that moment he instantly perked up and told me he was so happy I had placed my hand in his. I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable but I just went with it cause I didn’t see any harm in it. We eventually got out of his truck and went into his house where I greeted his mom, dad, and brother. His brother had joined us to eat some mac'n'cheese ( honestly the best part of that whole day). He decided that we should go outside for his brother and him to shoot their guns. ↼---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------⇀


	6. White Truck Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Waring loves, this chapter is going to have some scenes of uncomfy interactions between our dear Cosette and a shadow from their past. These are along the lines of sexual harassment and unwanted interactions, such as kissing. Also trigger warning that there is a theme of grooming in this chapter. If you need to skip this chapter due to these themes feel free, it won’t truly affect the rest of the story. I provided these flashback chapters to help you get to know our dear Cosette and their past to understand their choices in the future. Cosette is canonical non-binary, but at this point in the story they identify as a cis-girl*

Sam and I had walked outside, he told his brother that he had forgotten something inside and asked him to go grab it. The second, that his brother entered the house again, I was spun into his embrace and his lips were on mine. At this point I went into full panic mode on the inside, I didn’t even realize what had happened until he pulled away. He smiled at me and kept one arm around my waist as he walked us over to where they were going to be shooting. I thought I had wanted this and wanted him, but when he actually kissed me and had his arm around my waist, I felt sick, dirty. I really didn’t want to be near him anymore, but I was scared that if I spoke up he would be angry with me. When we got to where they would be shooting he sat on the tailgate of the truck and pulled me onto his lap. He leaned in and told me, “ I have liked you since we were younger. I remember thinking how beautiful you were. Especially when you would fall asleep on me on the bus,” all I could do was smile back and thank him. 

He had proceeded to kiss my cheek in front of his brother, who had finally joined us. We sat there, and they shot their guns for what felt like forever for me. We then went back into his house, so he could play video games and I could watch. Sam went to kiss me again when we passed his mom and I pushed him away, I was definitely not going to kiss him in front of her. I refused him again once we were in his room cause he had asked me to sit on his lap while he played his games. He got upset but kept playing his games while I sat on the floor near him. I wanted to go home but I didn’t want to upset him further. He eventually got up and suggested that we go sit in his truck to talk, I agreed and joined him. Again he tried to kiss me in front of his mom. Sam finally let out the first of his frustrations, “ I don’t understand why you won’t kiss me in front of her. She already knows I like you and doesn’t care.” I simply shook my head, “ I’m sorry I am not comfortable kissing in front of your mom, my mom told me not to do anything,” then he laughed. He proceeded to grab my waist and walk us outside to his truck.

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Once we got into his truck for the second time, I shot a text to my mom to come to pick me up. I felt sick, and like a shower was heavily needed. He spoke up in his truck and asked me to become his girlfriend and grabbed my hands in his. I was backed into a corner and my brain was scrambling to come up with a reason to say no. One that would be least likely to make him angry. So dumb 13 years old me said something along the lines of, “I just like the chase and not the actual thing,” was that true, absolutely not. I have never in my life felt that way. My brain panicked and said lie that you are heartless and that's why you have to say no. Looking back, that was incredibly cringy, but it worked. He was upset and kept trying to get me to say yes to dating him but I kept saying no. I felt like I could finally breathe again when he dropped it and I had gotten into my mom’s car to go home. I couldn’t even go on to look my mom cause I felt like I had just committed a murder. I was anxious about what Sam might do now that I had rejected him. I was worried my mom would somehow find out, all of these raced through my head. Yet when my mom asked me how it went I told her that it was fine and we had a good time. To admit that it wasn’t fine was to admit I broke her rule. I did something she wouldn’t want me doing, I didn’t want her disappointed in me. 

To my surprise, I hadn’t heard anything from anyone else about what happened. That relief would crash into little pieces all around me when freshman year started. I had thought that everything would be behind us and would be forgotten once I started. Sam had different plans. He had made himself friends with all of the freshmen girls and would hang with them all of the time. Anytime I happened to be around him, he would pull me into him. Then he would proceed to say things like, “Remember my little white truck,” or “ Only like the chase, huh?” that second was his go-to if he found out I was dating someone. He would even sometimes sneak up on me on campus and hug me from behind. Or try to get my attention when I would attend games with my friends. He was a walking shadow that wouldn’t disappear, I could see him trying to crush on the other girls. I tried to warn them he was bad news, but he had already convinced them he was the cat’s meow. They all adored him, some still do but I know I don’t, not anymore. I could never adore the boy in the white truck, he’s behind me now and I won’t look in that rearview mirror.  
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	7. Spectrum

When I wasn’t dealing with my shadows, I was focusing on either myself or school. Now with school, it was simple to go, do, repeat until you become bored out of your mind. When that's over, keep going even further until you feel as though you have gone insane. I never had to question school, it was what it was no need to look further, but myself that was a whole different story. I was still pansexual, though I was starting to feel better identifying as queer.  
I had developed my first high school crush and her name was Lela, she was the image of beauty. Her beautiful, curly, dirty blonde( bordering brunette) hair, skin, a beautiful shade of caramel, and eyes looked to be a mix of sapphires and emeralds. When I tell you that everything about her made my heart flutter that would be an understatement. It wasn’t meant to be I guess as he ended up dating Jennie. I was dealing with other issues at the time though, and they were starting to confuse me.  
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I had started my sophomore year not thinking that I would go through another identity crisis. Though knowing me and my need to understand myself, I should have. High school is the time in our lives where we start to mold ourselves into who we want to be. Never enjoyed labeling myself as a girl or all the things that they were expecting of me with that sort of identification. I went to the internet again for answers. I knew what being transgender was in its simplest definition, but beyond that, I wasn’t sure. I knew though that I had no desire or feeling of being a boy.  
When I looked at my chest, I felt such a discomfort some days. On others, it was an acknowledgment, not a disliking or liking of it. So when I went to the internet with these feelings I first came across the term gender-fluid. I sometimes felt more masculine than feminine. Though I didn’t feel as though I fluidly switched between the two. I didn’t identify with either, I liked the idea of androgyny. I looked closer and it didn’t really feel right, so I kept looking around the internet. , I found it the term I was looking at to help me understand my feelings, non-binary.  
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When I read it and looked into it more, it felt as though I had found the holy grail. It explained how I felt perfectly and when I realized that they/them pronouns were a thing I felt on top of the world. Though that high I was on of figuring myself out, some more crashed when I realized that I had to tell others. I had to tell my family about this discovery. I decided I wasn’t ready, but they would know soon enough. I needed to do something that would make me feel more like me. So the next day I asked my mom to do something I had wanted since I was in 6th grade.  
She took me to get my hair cut short, and I was so excited but nervous as well. As my stylist cut my waist-length hair to something looking like a haircut, a k-pop idol. All I could focus on was her reactions, and they didn’t disappoint. The faces she made and the shock on her faces were the funniest things I have ever seen. My mom has always said this saying to my sister and I since we were little. At this moment it seemed perfect to "uno reverse" it on her. I looked at her in the mirror and said, “Hair is hair, it can always grow back,” upon hearing that she relaxed and smiled at me.  
When I saw my hair after the cut, I cried right there in the chair, scaring my mom and stylist to death. They thought I hated it and tried to comfort me, but the truth was I couldn’t be happier. I turned to my mom, “ I have never felt more like myself than I do now. It felt like I can recognize myself for the first time,” she smiled and hugged me. She went on to say, “I’m happy that you feel like yourself, you know I only worried that you wouldn’t like it, and we wouldn’t be able to fix it,” it was my turn to smile. I left the salon that day, feeling better about myself then I had in a long time, funny what one haircut can do.  
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Progressing in the right direction is what I wa trying to do. I had cut my hair something that made me feel at my worst then at my best. Now there was only one thing that truly bothered me that I couldn’t find as simple of a solution to. I was having a war in my head over my chest some days it was manageable, even partially wanted but that never lasted. I was struggling deeply and that’s when I discovered my remedy. I discovered what a binder was, and I was now set on getting one. I had measured myself in the bathroom in the middle of the night and I purchased it off my credit card. When it arrived I felt so relieved and excited. I ran into my bedroom, grabbed a shirt, then ran into the bathroom, locking the door. When I put my binder on and looked at myself for the first time, it was unreal. It was as though, like when I cut my hair, I was seeing myself for the first time. I started crying and when I had thrown my shirt over it, I felt more attractive than I had in a long time.  
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It was time to tell everyone that I was nonbinary, and if you haven’t guessed it, the first person I told was my mom. She is the first to hear about anything in my life. Whether it be the first time I tried alcohol or weed, she was the first to know. Funny enough when I had told her about those things I was less scared than I am now. For some reason, these sorts of topics scare me more to discuss with her. Now how did I go about coming out to her this time, well take a wild guess? Did you guess by PowerPoint slideshow? If so you would be correct. Yes, I decided if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it. I upgraded though instead of just photos and text on the slides I placed videos. I wanted to make sure that she knew exactly what I was trying to tell her. How did I show her this presentation? Well, I did the only logical thing, email it to her while she’s at work. Definitely not my best moment, I think I did it to try to prolong her seeing it. It must have been a slow day though because she opened it immediately and powered through it. I received a text from her telling me she loved me and that she would try her best to adjust.  
When it came to coming out to the rest of my family, it was a bit different. I didn’t feel like I could send that PowerPoint to them, it was made for my mom. I decided that the best way to let the most amount of my family know (and with minimized reactions) was to send a group text. My anxiety was through the roof as I typed the message, more like a short essay, and sent it accompanied by a video. Most of the responses were good and supportive, some weren’t. Those who weren’t didn’t really surprise me though. They were the same ones who said I would burn in hell for simply loving who I loved. The response that hurt the most was that from my dad, his response was to not respond at all. This would have been fine if he wasn’t in my life, I could brush it off. That isn’t the case, though, we live in the same house, and he just moves as if he’s a ghost through it. I never officially came out to him as queer, I assume he knows now, though since I’m not one to hide it. I don’t need others' validation to love who I am and live as I want confidently. I am nonbinary and I’m queer , and fuck it bitches, I’m ready to kick it into gear.  
AN:  
Hope you all enjoy the story! It updates every Sunday and the next few chapters have already been written. Feel free to leave comments, I'll read them! Have a great days and stay safe love.  
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	8. Prom Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Waring loves, this chapter is going to have some scenes of uncomfy interactions between our dear Cosette and a shadow from their past. These are along the lines of sexual harassment and unwanted interactions, such as kissing. If you need to skip this chapter due to these themes feel free, it won't truly affect the rest of the story. I provided these flashback chapters to help you get to know our dear Cosette and their past to understand their choices in the future. *

Here we go another start to another year. Going into my junior year you would think that things would start looking up. That can’t be true, can it though, no, life enjoys these curveballs and low blows. I was starting to look forward to my junior year, I was such a fan of school dances. I’m not the most social person. When it comes to jamming out with my friends in nice clothes, I come out of that shell a bit. I looked forward to prom and had this picturesque vision of what it would be like. I wasn’t necessarily disappointed in the prom itself, but I ended up disappointed anyway. I went as I had to every other dance in high school, with Jennie. We always had a blast when we went to dances, together whose prom was no different. No, what happened after prom is what disappointed me. 

I was disappointed in the party, the people there, and myself. Jennie and I were still friends but I could start to feel our friendship slipping away. That’s okay though, life is ever-changing, and growing up, or growing apart, is a normal thing to do. She was more into parties and partaking in activities, I didn’t really see the need to. I was happy to go along with her as an observer. I wanted to live the full high school experience and I wanted to support her fully. So when she said she wanted to go to a party after prom I agreed. I wasn’t feeling the party at all. The moment we walked up to the house I wanted to turn around and leave. Now could that be because of bad vibes or social anxiety, I like to think it’s a healthy mix of both. Or should I say unhealthy? Either way, I was not vibing. 

I couldn’t leave, though we just got there and Jennie was excited to enjoy the party. We went inside and I simply followed her around, we ended up in the garage with a group of people, she knew some of them. They were drinking and smoking weed, Jennie participated while I declined. I was down to smoke and drink a little but I preferred to do it in a setting where I felt comfortable. This definitely wasn’t it. Jennie then got offered by this guy to go out to his car to smoke some more. I was against this idea for two main reasons: we don’t know this guy, and we don’t know this guy and he wants us to get into his car. Jennie ended up just going anyways. I was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, watching a group of boys playing “beer pong”. Though I’m sure that it wasn’t beer in those cups, either way, they seemed to be enjoying themselves. 

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I was starting to get anxious when Jennie hadn’t come back inside, so I pulled my phone to text her. I sent her a few texts, and she hadn’t answered, I started to become worried. I was about to walk out when it happened. I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist. Completely frozen in place. I looked around at everyone and no one seemed to notice my distress. I grew even more panicked when he started to kiss my neck and tightening his grip, like a constrictor to its prey. Again I looked around for someone to help me, that’s when I locked eyes with one person. When I looked at him I pleaded with my eyes I saw him open his mouth, I believed to help me. I was shocked to find that he wasn’t trying to help me. No, he proceeded to cheer on the guy who had coiled around me and ignored my distress. 

I knew at this moment that no one was going to help me, I had to help myself. I grabbed onto his arms and pulled as hard as I could, eventually I pulled them off of me. When I turned to face him, I was met with breath that reeked of alcohol, he definitely appeared drunk. That’s no excuse though, drunk or not this random boy shouldn’t have approached someone they don’t know in such a way. When I looked up to look him in his eyes, he smiled down at me, “No reason to be mad, we were having fun, weren't we” I was shocked that he had the audacity to say such a thing. He then pulled his arms out of the mine and placed his hands on my waist. I wanted to punch him, but I didn’t get the chance. A friend of his came over and pulled him off of me and profusely apologized, I just stared at them as he was dragged out. I walked outside, prepared to leave as Jennie was walking back towards the house.  
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She was walking over to me all happy until she saw my face, then she started to hurry over to me. “Cosette? Is everything alright? Did something happen?” Jennie attacked me with questions. I brought my eyes up to look into hers, took a deep breath, and right as I went to speak I started to cry. I ran to her and wrapped my arms around her and she did the same back, we stayed for like for a little while until I pulled back. “When I was in there this guy he came up and started kissing my neck, I tried to get a hold of you but you didn’t get my messages“ I sniffled a little, “ I looked around for help and people just cheered him on.” And then I think I saw the embodiment of pure rage come across Jennie’s face before she started to storm towards the house. Knowing that it wouldn’t help to yell at all of them, I grabbed her arm. She turned to look at me now confused, “ He left already J, his friends dragged him home and those people in there aren’t to blame for his actions. Can we please just go home?” she let out a deep breath and nodded. 

We walked a little ways away from the house and waited for my mom to come to pick us up and take us back to my house. Jennie kept rubbing circles on my back but if I’m being honest I wanted to swat her hand away, I didn’t really want to be touched. That didn’t happen though I know that it was making her feel better, so I let her. When my mom got us she asked why we wanted to leave early and I simply said the party wasn’t as fun as we hoped it would be. We ended up spending the rest of the night watching scary movies and eating junk food. Prom night was great and I had a lot of fun, it’s sad to know that one thing could ruin such a great memory.


	9. Moving Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Waring loves, this chapter is going to have some scenes of uncomfy interactions between our dear Cosette and a shadow from their past. These are along the lines of breaking and entering, arson and violence. If you need to skip this chapter due to these themes feel free, it won't truly affect the rest of the story. I provided these flashback chapters to help you get to know our dear Cosette and their past to understand their choices in the future.*  
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Having parents, that work far from home means that they rarely had the chance to drive me to school. Then there is me living with only my older sister in our house. She was always so busy with her college classes and work that she didn't have time to drive me to school. I have always had trouble with getting up early, which meant that getting up to ride the bus not a desirable option. My sister would leave for her work before the bus would come to get me. That was definitely not something I would want to wake up for. Luckily enough for me, though I had a great relationship with my neighbor, Phil. He has been our neighbor since I was kindergarten. He also has helped our family throughout the years by working on the ranch. When I asked him if he could drive me to school in the mornings he agreed to it, my mom was paying for his gas. Every morning I would go out and meet him at our gate. We would spend the whole drive laughing and talking about everything and nothing.  
We had become very close over these drives, he became like a brother/father figure to me. I would often talk to him about things I wouldn’t even talk to my actual family about. He would sit there and listen and help me through everything or crack a joke to make me feel better. Those drives slowly became my favorite part of the day because I didn’t have to pretend to be something I wasn’t. Though those days soon came to an end when I got my provisional license, the start of my junior year. His new job made it, so he could no longer drive me. That wasn’t the end of our friendship though, we would still talk when over he would come over and help us out. That or when I would go over to help him. It was a relationship that meant the world to me.

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*Time skip 3 months*  
I woke up with a start hearing my phone going off , I thought it might have been my alarm for school. When I had gotten up to check my phone I saw a missed call from Phil. That majorly confused me, but I chalked it up to an accidental call. As I went to lay down, my phone went off again and it was Phil, I decided to pick it up. When the call went through he screamed through the phone that he was having a heartache. And that they were watching him waiting until he let his guard down to get him. I was beyond confused at this point and decide to mute my side of the conversation and put him on the speaker. As I went to wake up Mary. She thought I was waking her up about the dogs and was about to yell at me when she heard him.  
She then picked up her phone and started recording what he was saying until he hung up the phone. We looked at each other in confusion over his behavior and the things he was saying didn’t really make much sense to us. He was clear on the fact he believed that we needed to get out and that we were in danger. Mary called his wife to ask her what was going on with him and had me bring in our dogs. Once we brought the dogs in, we locked the doors, windows and turned off all of the lights. We had already called the cops. We could hear him screaming outside about bombs and that they were watching him from the sky.  
Then Mary and I found ourselves running to our bathroom and loving ourselves inside of it. His wife had called to tell us he was entering our gate and making his way towards our house. I was worried he might try to free our horses to get to us to exit the house, but they fear was soon replaced with a new one. I had been on the phone with my mom when we heard him start banging on our front door with a fury. It was At this moment that I knew all of those silent screams in horror movies were absolutely true. I knew this because I had one of those choked screams when I heard the door get kicked in.  
I grew incredibly anxious because I heard our dogs barking at him. He walked throughout the house calling for my sister and me. He wanted to get us out of the house, he said it was important that we made it out, so they wouldn’t catch us. Though I noticed, he called for me more than he did Mary. I assume that's because he had the closest relationship with me. Looking to me for a sense of stability, but I was too scared of him to do anything. I’m not that tall of a person, and he’s about 6’2 built like a mountain, I felt like a mouse cornered by a mountain lion. My anxieties grew again when I heard our dogs stop barking, I feared he may have hurt them.  
That's when Mary and I heard tires ripping out of the driveway and away from the house. This is when we came out of the bathroom to see he had stolen our truck. Our dogs, however, were all safe and sound, which was my main concern at the time. The cops were called again and Mary filled them in. We watched him pull the truck into the field next to our house and drive haphazardly until he got stuck. The cops had arrived as he was revving the engine and as I was comforting Mary. Telling her how everything would be fine. It was just a truck and out of everything that could have happened that wasn’t the worst route. I had to hug her and calm her down, which had worked for a time. It stopped working when we heard the engine explode and watched as the truck caught fire while he was inside it.  
Being the final straw she fully went back to breaking down while I kept telling her reassurances. The cops pulled him out, cuffed him and then put him into the back of one of their cars. The fire truck appeared at this time to put out the fire started in the truck and around it. Though it may be dark to say I was mesmerized by how the truck caught fire, it was a type of destruction I had never seen. I had escorted Mary back inside. That's where we stayed waiting for the cops to come by to question us and take photos. I ended up having to talk to the cop as Mary was still too shaken up to tell about everything that had happened.  
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It had been some time since the night of the incident. My nightmares about it plagued my dreams, making it so once I finally asleep I wasn’t able to stay that way. Every little sound would make me shoot awake and have me in fight or flight mode. He was having trails to decide his fate and my parents thought it would be best if my sister and I attended. So the court could see/understand how we felt. Poor, Mary, she was unable to even fathom she completely rejected the idea. I knew that objectively my parents were right. Seeing the fear he instilled in us would definitely provide some context. As such, I agreed to go with my parents to his trial that day, I wanted to “confront” him and find my own closure. This was once a man that I had complete faith and trust in, I loved him in the way you love your family. Now he was and still is my biggest fear that I still can’t move past.  
If he’s not in my dreams tormenting me with the pain of heartbreak and broken trust, he was replaying in my head, making me question the world and myself. I wish that he didn’t make me feel as though I couldn’t trust myself or those I had trusted before. He made me lack the ability to trust and to let those around me in. He was let out with nothing more than an ankle bracelet. My mother got my sister and I restraining orders against him which provided some comfort, but it wasn’t much. We had attended this therapy. Our therapist wasn’t that great and would often mix Mary and my names up which made us decide to stop going.

Eventually I decided that it would be best to move out, I couldn’t stay in this town anymore. The pain that had amounted here is too much to make staying here worth it. My mom had helped me setup a place in a small town called Forks and get me set up to start my senior year there. I would be living with an old family friend of hers, Kali Green, she was a travel journalist. More times than not wouldn’t be at the house. That didn’t bother me though, I actually preferred it, for the first time in a long time I looked forward to something. I only hoped that my life in Forks would bode better for me than my life here did. Maybe I’ll finally start to dating again. Or maybe I’ll be by myself for the rest of eternity. Either way I strive to make the best of it.


	10. Author's Note/Update

Hello loves, I’m sorry for not updating for the last two Sundays. I truly apologize from the bottom of my heart. There were many factors that went into my delay in updating this story, but the biggest impact was my grandma. Well she is technically my aunt's mother-in-law but I have been fond of her since I was little, and she recently had a stroke. It has come to the point where she has been placed in hospice and only has a week or so left. I’ll do my best to update next weekend and give you guys a longer update as an apology. Again I am so very sorry for updating late, I hope to make this a rare occurrence.

**Author's Note:**

> AN:  
> Hope you all enjoy the story! It updates every Sunday and the next few chapters have already been written. Feel free to leave comments, I'll read them! Have a great days and stay safe loves.


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